Can you make your hockey stick bigger than PTC's hockey stick?

Here's some more of that special love language financial analysts use during conference calls with executives of publicly-held CAD companies. 


Steven Koenig of Longbow Research LLC asks: ...maybe just a few other things I would love to get a little more granularity on. One question would be linearity in the quarter and how to close rates to load up. 


James Heppelmann, future ceo of PTC: On the linearity thing, we have a bit of a hockey stick within the quarter, and then we certainly have our hockey stick within the year and I would say the macro forces are pushing towards a bigger hockey stick particularly within the year...

So, there are macro external forces that are trying to make an even bigger hockey stick...

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In another part of last week's conference call, a financial analysts asks how PTC arrives at its estimates for future economy growth and exchange rates.

James Heppelmann: I think first of all on the economy assumptions, we don't actually have an economist on staff here, so we just assume it's going to like it is now, not better no less...

Cornelius Moses, cfo of PTC: Yes. So, we don't have a foreign exchange specialist on the staff either. So, from a currency perspective--

Barry Cohen, exec vp of PTC: That’s you [,Cornelius].

Comments

[Earl Jones]

It is hard not to understand that the analyst and Heppelmann are conversing in code. After spending a considerable amount of time, and picking on the brains of the world’s best code-breakers, I proudly present the code:

“linearity” – do you see yourself keeping your job until the next quarter’s call?
“hockey stick” – executive board members
“small hockey stick” – board members who sleep at meetings
“bigger hockey stick” – board members who pretend to be awake, even dare to ask questions
“macro forces” – my bonus
“granularity” – masquerading as details in an analyst report
“close rates” – tips to cover my tracks when I write rubbish in my report
“load up” – give me more than I can handle, so I can say I am doing my job

[Earl Jones]

It is hard not to understand that the analyst and Heppelmann were conversing in code. After spending a considerable amount of time, and picking on the brains of the world’s best code-breakers, I proudly present the code:

“linearity” – do you see yourself keeping your job until the next quarter’s call?
“hockey stick” – executive board members
“small hockey stick” – board members who sleep at meetings
“bigger hockey stick” – board members who pretend to be awake
“macro forces” – my bonus (i.e. Heppelmann’s)
“granularity” – Crap masquerading as details in an analyst report (alt.: Crap dished out by CEOs during quarterly earnings calls when they have nothing useful to say)
“close rates” – tips to cover my tracks when I put rubbish in my report
“load up” – give me more crap than I can handle, so I can say I am doing my job

You have to hand it to these people – to keep such useless conversation going with a straight face and without breaking into laughter takes a lot of energy and restraint.

[Simbad]

bigger hockey stick? it will be measured during a playoff game and you will get a penalty.

[Hockey Factory Shop]

Are we allowed to make our hockey sticks bigger? I mean last time I heard we can't make our hockey sticks bigger, otherwise they will impose a penalty on us.